"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11
I am thankful for the past, and that it is in the past.
Looking ahead to my future I often wonder who I will become, in the context of what I'll be doing. As though my career will define who I am. But this isn't true. It is a part of you, and unless you make your career your every waking thought and action, then it is only a part of you as a whole.
The quote that titles this blog "Life is how you spend your days, how you live your life is how you spend your days", came about because I didn't really know what life entailed. Many people throw around the word life and it makes them sounds all philosophical but when asked what life is, they create some jumbled up answer that really has no point.
When you really think about it, what is life? Is it the air we breath? Is it our birth? Our marriage? Our job? Have you heard the phrase, 'life is life' or 'that's just how life goes?'
Why is that?
When looking back on their lives people will remember big moments that happened, marriage, children, or becoming the President, abolishing slavery, equal rights for women. They will define this as their life's crusade. And that's great; at the end of your life.
There are so many years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds that make life, life. I can't say in one sentence the life I've had so far. I'm still quite young and the majority of my life has been the product of other peoples decisions.
But I still live in each day, so what do I do with my life?
I struggled with this a lot as a teenager, and it's one of the reasons my faith became so strong.
What was I here for? What if I wasn't smart enough to be the doctor I dreamt about, or the actress who could tell a story with her eyes. What if I wasn't famous? If I'm not known by everybody then whats the point?
That's when I came to the realisation that this life isn't everything, thats there's more to it then just aspirations. Aspirations, desires and goals keep us going, focused, content, moving forward, progressing through the many hours and days that make our lives. But what does it all mean.
This post started because I was sifting through and organising pages from my year as an intern back in 2009 at Warrambui.
I have regrets from that year, but I don't regret that year.
There's things I wish I had of done better in my life, in the days that made up that year. I should have been more proactive in my faith. You'd think a year of service and getting to know God I would have opened my bible a little more. You'd thunk huh.
2009 was a year to grow in my everyday being, create habits of forgiveness, when I did not want to forgive, cooperate, when I did not want to cooperate, work with others whom I did not want to work with. A discipline I will surely continue to develop but none as quickly as this year. I would have a huge disagreement with a housemate one night, then have to work in the kitchen with them the WHOLE of the next day.... You learnt how to make it about God, and not yourself.
As much as I resented some of my time at bui, looking back it's made me who I am, it's grown me in ways nothing else could, and equipped me to handle the little things in my days.
Having said that, I am so glad it's in the past. It's always difficult going through something, but looking back, when the dust has settled, the chips have fallen, you see it wasn't so bad, you evaluate yourself in the context of the situation and you move on.
You can't fix the past, you can learn from it, and next time you have a day where you just wanna hit someone with your car, remember this day, is your life.
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| 2009 Intern buddies with our co-odinator. |
Brooke Fraser is one of the finest singers and songwriters around, she hails from across the Tasman, a kiwi who's flown the nest to the big bad world of Oz and found Hillsong.
It's rare that I find a good christian singer that I enjoy listening to and playing her music on the piano or guitar. 
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